Vote for Me!

I hereby declare my candidacy for President of the United States. So please write my name in when you vote today. Why did I wait until today? My platform is procrastination. You can expect me to drag my feet on such projects as:

  • Expanding offshore drilling
  • Invading foreign countries with no reason, or made-up reasons
  • Renewing spying on American citizens

In the immortal words of Mark Twain, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

And whatever you do, please don’t vote for this guy!